Managing great expectations

[willnps]

I am a gay writer and gay business owner an I have had a few successful so called houseboys some where sexual and some just pretty boys. But the idea any site like this can be policed effectively is a bit quixotic. So its all up to both of you to mke it work. I may be new here but not new to older/younger houseboy relationships. call it what you like it is a relationship pure and simple.

Here are a few rules I go by that may be helpful for anyone getting into it.

-Basically an older younger relationship has many differences, don't try to ignore that fact even when it seems totally compatible. The older man needs to maintain a mentor mode and the younger will continue to challenge and learn. ( never say I knew you would come over to my side, they need to learn its correctness to accept it, you did noth but help drive understanding)

=Verbalize all your intentions thoughts hopes and even fears in a practical way expect the employer to be more rigid in their ideas while the houseboy may be rethinking them all the time. Also remember the younger tends to internalize your words differently then you intended and may be offended if they don't understand some concepts or even basic words.

-Trust but verify, the relationship has to be based on trust, and you have protect yourself and build trust at the same pace. That is very difficult but if they say can I have the keys and your not ready be honest don't try to charge the facts with bad past events or long excuses, just say your not ready to give up that much.

=Be a mentor not a nagger . A mentor must guide the person to the point in a journey not describe set by step direction. so don't point out mistakes but only praise success. don't say cant you see why coming home late would piss me off, they will say I did nothing wrong no one got hurt I did not mean toupset you.

All are correct and cannot be argued so its best to get them to see how you feel looking at the clock worried if the phone broke and the car got a flat or some one slipped them a drug. Keep it about you because you are the only one impacted while he had a great time.

=Give in... tie goes to the younger if you did not clarify something that should be well understood accept it and say OK from now one we will do this, don't harp on the mistake no matter how bad it was. If they break a glass or a priceless vase treat it the same if you have not warned them of the value of the vase over the glass before hand.

=Don't play games with love or logic...Don't put challenges to verify trust or good behavior don't put money on the table to see what they will do, don't give conflicting choices to just how ready they are to make good choices. Your supposed to help them make good choices not correct bad ones.

=The will never buy the cow if you give the milk for free...so don't hand out money for good behavior great sex or anything else because you will start a game that makes then change when they over spend. You can do a monthly bonus if they have been good but even that is not healthy.

=You want them independent because if you want them dependent on you then you are not in a healthy state of mind for this arrangement and it will go badly

one can always justify stealing from their employer, they get worked to hard or under paid so be careful always even in the best arrangement.

=Give them their down time if they are tired or sick or miss home let them take all the time alone but don't let them use drugs or booze to get out a funk or it will become a habit that is unbreakable.

-Just remember you may trigger bad behavior just the way you talk to them if they had bad parents or horrible upbringing, get to know their past, they may be more mature then you ever know if you don't let them show it.

If you can keep some of this in mind you will have the most rewarding experience if your lives no matter how long it last and if your lucky they may say it was the most important relationship of their life.

Keep your limits know cheating, drugs, whatever it is and dont excuse it, it will happen again if you do. If your linits are exceded you must end the relationship its that simple.

Anyway that's my thoughts keep the lines of communication open, show the love trust and respect you would want and when you misstep admit it too Never ever say well I pay all the bills around here because you are not. Every minute they try to please you and perform a chore its payment to the bills of the house and you must respect that.

finally have a exit strategy and discuss it often, I remember one young lover I flew out and gave him a return ticket that he kept for a long time untill one christmas he gave it back to me in a Christmas card long after we had both forgotten about it. It was the best gift I ever received.