Figuring out what I want

[Bejjinks]

I've got an idea of what I'm looking for but I'm still working out the details. I'm going to post my ideas and questions here. Feel free to comment, advise, or answer.

I currently have three roommates and although I have the authority over the house, they are roommates, not houseboys. My authority is limited and I get frustrated with their carelessness.

One of my pet peeves is dishes left in the sink. I'm not a perfectionist or control freak. I don't have a problem with seeing rinsed dishes stacked on the counter waiting to be washed but when I can't use the sink because it is overflowing with dishes full of greasy, slimy water that makes a perfect breeding ground for mold and other health hazards, I feel more like I'm playing daddy to a bunch of little kids instead of sharing my space with men.

I also expect things to be put away. Everything has a place. I hate not being able to find the scissors because a roommate left the scissors in the pile on the floor of his car. I hate finding dishes that have grown crusty from sitting in the car for a month.

One roommate kind of acts like a houseboy in that he's eager to cook, clean and help, but he's horrible at it. He decided to help me in the garden when I wasn't home. He went out to pull weeds but he also pulled the carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, and peppers. I'm not looking for someone to do everything for me. I'm more interested in someone willing to obey, willing to learn how to do the job right. I'm willing to teach if you don't already have the skill but I'm getting frustrated by these guy's unwillingness to learn.

As for physical intimacy, I find that most people fall into one of two categories: they are either uncomfortable with physical intimacy and will not hug or they want to skip the hug and go straight to sex. I want to hug, I want to shower together, I want to massage and receive massages, I want to cuddle, but I don't have a desire for sex. Maybe that makes me asexual but why should being asexual force me to live without affection?

I'm rambling a bit. I'll write more when my thoughts become clearer.

[Guest]

Sounds to me that you really do know what you're looking for, but you just happen to be living with 3 guys that keep reminding you exactly of what you're not looking for. The one roommate that does try to do things (but isn't good at it) would be the only one I'd keep around. As a dom guy myself, I'm never angered by something done wrong as long as his heart is in the right place and he's trying (and willing to learn). If he's open to one's guidance, he would be the kind of guy I'd take in.

Since what you want is a guy to be much more than a houseboy, something more along the lines of a companion, getting rid of some of your headaches could also leave you in a better mood and less distracted if and when you do find that right guy. The mood you both are in, which will be heavily influenced by your home environment, will make a big difference in a relationship of any kind.

Coming off as a control freak isn't a bad thing. In fact, some guys love that. What would be a bad thing, though, would be coming off as a control freak that has basically lost control of his own household. I mean, imagine having a good guy that with you. He "obeys" you, but is constantly reminded that he doesn't really have to do that to stay with you as the others have been allowed to stay. The only reason he would continue to "obey" you would be because he's pretending you're in control when you're clearly not. I would imagine you won't want a fake arrangement like that.

I am not suggesting that you just kick these guys out in a hurry, but you need to clear your household of the source of your issues. Clearing one's home is always a great tool that helps one clear the mind as well.